Report: Daddy Says No

October 2026 – The state enabling abusive parents to block therapeutic services and healthcare for tamariki victim-survivors contributes to terrible results for tamariki, including self-harm and suicidal thoughts. In some cases, the Family Court has supported abusive parental blocking by prohibiting certain therapeutic services outright, even when health professionals recommended those services for tamariki. The state should no longer allow abusers to block therapeutic services and healthcare for tamariki, nor place the full burden of protecting tamariki on to protective parents; in order to identify abusers, the Family Court needs to be informed by family violence experts (including child specialists) and community evidence.

Those are the key findings and recommendations from Backbone’s July 2025 anonymous online survey of 63 mothers (protective parents) throughout Aotearoa New Zealand, who outlined how their 113 tamariki (including 21 tamariki Māori) were blocked from therapeutic services by abusive legal guardians. The findings support the recommendations of the Focus on Safety campaign for Family Court reform backed by 100 violence-prevention organisations and specialists. 

• When tamariki are subjected to violence and abuse, their physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual self is impacted. Child Safety Programmes and/or therapeutic services such as counselling, art therapy, play-based therapy, or Kaupapa Māori approaches such as mirimiri can provide essential assistance in healing, recovery and mitigations of the harm caused by violence and abuse. 

• Where tamariki victim-survivors were able to access therapeutic services, many mothers in our survey reported the effects were hugely beneficial. Their tamariki had fewer nightmares, less anxiety, less anger and self-harm, and improved confidence and self-worth.  They were able to concentrate better at school. 

However, our report details how the New Zealand state enables abusive legal guardians to block therapeutic services and healthcare for tamariki victim-survivors – even when the children’s need for such support is specifically caused by the same abuser’s violence against them.

As one Mum wrote in our survey: “It’s so wrong that the person who is the cause of the problem gets a say at all.” 

In some cases, the Family Court supported abusive parental veto by prohibiting certain therapeutic services outright, even when health professionals recommended those services for tamariki.

We heard from whānau with tamariki Māori that abusive parents sometimes blocked tamariki from their rights to access Kaupapa Māori services.

Half of all survey respondents (two thirds who answered the question) indicated the abuser had also attempted to block children’s access to other types of healthcare, including GP visits, dental care, vaccinations, not giving the child prescribed medications, and even hospital admissions. 

When the system supports abusers to deny therapeutic services, the profound negative effects of ongoing violence & abuse on tamariki continue and get worse. This includes impacts on their wairua, wellbeing, behaviour, relationships, educational achievement and self-confidence – on their sense of self.

Tamariki blocked from therapeutic services also learn to distrust the system - that the system supports abuse.

Mothers tried multiple times over many years to access therapeutic services for their tamariki, at great financial, emotional and logistical expense and with little to no success.

When the system supported the abuser to block or interfere with therapy, mothers felt powerless, unsafe, overwhelmed and unsupported in securing services for their tamariki.

Findings were similar for tamariki Māori as for other tamariki – with the important addition that there were instances of tamariki Māori being blocked from Kaupapa Māori or rongoā Māori healing, and abusers blocking tamariki from access to their whānau Māori and culture. 

Systemic failures, cultural disconnection, and harmful practices denied Māori tamariki the chance to heal and thrive.

Backbone’s analysis is that authorities must always prioritise child wellbeing and their right to live free from abuse and to heal from abuse.  This means, for example, abusers should no longer be handed the opportunity to continue their abuse by blocking or interfering in therapeutic services or healthcare. 

In order to identify abusers to stop their blocking of all kinds of healthcare, the Family Court needs to be informed by family violence and sexual violence experts (including child specialists) who have gathered evidence from family members and organisations (eg school and services).  Such family and sexual-violence expert reports can assist in all court decision-making about cases involving violence and abuse, not just decisions about children’s healthcare.

We acknowledge there are other blocks to therapeutic services as well, such as cost and lack of availability. The state should fund therapeutic services including Kaupapa Māori services fully for all child victims for as long as children need them and with the ability to re-engage at any point in time.

We urge the state to do whatever is required to ensure its agents prioritise children’s safety, autonomy and their right to therapeutic services, including the right to Kaupapa Māori services for Māori.